Ostara has been full of ‘new’ things for me. I did a full-blown ritual this year, completely off the cuff. It went marvelously. A titch early, but well, I had to be up at four am the ne t morning. I cleansed my apartment with earth, air, fire, and water, and blessed a couple of items, and burned a few wishes. The altar is still set up in my spare bedroom, partially because the ostara candle hasn’t burned down completely and partially because every time I see it, I can’t help but smile. The ritual filled a spot I wasn’t aware was empty. Maybe I’m not such a bad Wiccan after all.

My work has been going well, too. I may bitch about it, but it’s very emotionally fulfilling for me. It tears at me though that I help train these units but I don’t go with them. I get to know the soldiers well, and I wish I could go with them, protect them. But the best I can do right now is protect them by making them as proficient and prepared as I possibly can. I know what they’re going into, and I know that a lot of the things they hate doing now will keep them alive over there. Is this what parents feel like when their kids leave the homestead?

My job has brought me to sunny California, where the weather is a full 60 degrees warmer than my wonderful state. There’s so much green everywhere. Its hard to remember that my home gets as sunny and green as this, too. It is doing amazing things to raise my winter-drenched soul. Did I mention that it snowed the day after Ostara? Yeah.

Surprises of all surprises, I met someone through eHarmony. Seriously, I really thought that in the end I would just be wasting my money on false promises. But, well, it worked. I went on my first date last Friday. I think we were both incredibly nervous, but I enjoyed myself thoroughly. My first impression of him was very good, and I have hopes for something to come of this. Hopefully I won’t be let down.

Later

I’ve been having a bad time of it today, and I’m not even sure why.  Nothing has gone wrong, nothing stressful has occurred, …so why do I feel so worthless?

I think I’m ready to go home… I’ve met some people down here that I like, and I enjoy hanging out with, but at the same time I don’t want to get to know them better ’cause it’d be pointless ’cause I’m leaving.  Sucks like that.

I’ve officially started drinking for the night, and I don’t think I’m going to stop any time soon.  Nothing like taking out a hard day on your liver.

I’d kill for a guy right now…

later

have you ever looked at mountains and wondered at the sheer force and power it took to create them?I am currently in California (don’t ask me specifics – I doubt I could find where I am on a map). It’s wine country, with rolling hills everywhere you look. The firing range I’m at is nestled between rocky hills so green they look like they’re coated in velvet. It’s one of the most beautiful places I’ve seen. It even beats Australia (I know, blasphemy!). It almost makes me want to live here. It does make me wish I had my motorcycle with me, so I could go explore the hills and be that much closer with them.

But for now, I’ll just take tons of pictures.

Later.

Finally starting to feel better.  Kinda.  Still very much nauseas, but no real feeling of needing to vomit in the last 12 hours, so my hope is up.  Going back to work tomorrow, my fingers are crossed.

Need to go to Best Buy.  Trying to convince myself to do it tonight, but my head is hurting so much, I don’t think I’m going to be able to make myself do it.  I really need to take my laptop in, though.  The new battery I got to replace the one that was dying is not so much working.  It’s not holding any charge at all.  I took it out and put it back in, hoping that I somehow screwed up the installation (I know, it’s a freaking battery, not that hard to put in…), but it’s still not working.  Arg, gotta get it in, or what’s the point of having a laptop??

Okay, I gotta go take a hot shower in the hopes that it’ll finally kill the pain in my head…

later

I swear to god, the only time tv show plotlines revolve around food is when I’m trying not to vomit.

It is my firm belief that natural selection has finally caught up to me. The gods are just toying with me now. I’ve managed to get both a sinus infection and the flu. I can’t breath and I want to puke. Is there any better combination?

I feel horrible about missing work. I think this is where my workaholic nature kicks in. I feel miserable, life is sucking, and I feel guilty about not being at work. It scares me that our society does this to people on a regular basis. Have we all forgotten how to relax and unwind? How to make life about living and not about work? I think we need to take a page from the Europeans – they know how to have fun and still have a good economy. Works for me!

Okay, I’ve got to get rid of the contents of my stomach.

Later

A disturbing discovery: Coke doesn’t taste nearly as good without rum!

but close enough. Finished off a bottle of crown with a bottle of coke. Feeling pretty relaxed. Feeling in need of it. How did I go a year in Iraq without major homesickness, bufmt can’t go two weeks in Az without a deep yearning for home? I miss my friends. I feel so very alone here.

Wish I had more alcohol.

Later

I’m on TDY (temporary duty) some place warmer than my home station. Thank god. If you have any experience with TDY in the army, you know that ‘TDY’ is code for ‘eat until your tired, sleep until your hungry.’ For me, it’s more like ‘drink until your tired, sleep until you can drink.’ and somewhere in there, find an available and capable man and see where things go… I could get used to this.

Of course it did get me involved with someone who I probably shouldn’t be, but I’ll figure that out later. Hopefully it won’t be that big of a deal. ‘What happens on TDY stays on TDY.’ it’s a handy little code… And he’s gone now, so hopefully a little space and time will cool things off. I’ve also got a date lined up with a captain from another course for next week. Maybe he’ll be able to take my mind off the other. It would be a pleasant break.

The bummer of the trip was that I broke my PDA phone. I ended up buying an iPhone to replace it. Sadly, it was the cheapest option that did everything I need. My old phone would have cost $600, the model that replaced it was $650, and the lower echelon model cost $500. So $399 seemed a deal… Getting the damn thing activated was a nightmare. I’d like to kill the fucking genius who decided that the one and only way to activate the damn thing should be through iTunes. All I’ve got is a goverent computer. I can’t download programs on it. Thus, I couldn’t activate my phone. I asked damn near every person I ran into if they had access to iTunes to no avail. Couldn’t freaking find a single person. Finally got a librarian to look the other way for an hour so I could download the program and run the activation sequence. Annoying as all hell. But at least I got it done. Overall, the iPhone isn’t too bad. I don’t think it’s as good as the hype would like you to believe. What really annoys me is that you can’t change the black/gray/white color scheme. It’s depressing. But I do like the visual voicemail and the text message interface. The keyboard is probably better at recognizing what you meant to type.

Well, that’s my bitch session for now!

Later

Ikea fun

Me and Pixie are taking a spur-of-the-moment trip next weekend to Chicago to visit the Ikea store there and buy me my perfect furniture.   (I have no idea if a week prior planning counts as “spur of the moment”, but hey, we both have jobs, and it’s the best we could do).

Yay Ikea!

later

White Crane Glistening in the Air

Seriously, that’s a name of one of my T’ai Chi Ch’uan poses.  I swear, the more you learn, the crazier they get.

Got back from Texas last night.  Had a great time visiting the boy.  I think I needed to get him out of my system, and I think I finally have.   

Did I mention the sex was great?  

Now I’ve just got to find someone who lives near me… ya know, like, the same city… or at least the same state…  I guess technically, I do have someone who fits that bill, but I’m really just not interested any more.  I’m not sure why, because before I went to Iraq, I really was into him.  I know Iraq changed me, and I guess it changed something in me that I really rather it hadn’t… Oh well, it did at least teach me how to move on.

I’m having a really weird pain in my jaw/neck, right under my ear.  It’s kind of like a bruised feeling, but it’s sharper, and more tender.  I hope nothing crazy is going on with my lymph nodes or jaw, ’cause I really don’t have the time for it.  My job is going to start picking up in February and I don’t want to have to try and fit a doctor’s appointment in any time soon.  A good time would be, say, July. 

later