Oh yeah, have I mentioned I’m inheriting a ten year old daughter when I marry G?  Yeah, talk about freaking me out.  Anyone else having issues seeing me with a 10 year old?  That’s going to take some getting used to…

I’m taking an Army training course, Victim Advocate Training,  this week.  And it’s really kind of screwing with me.

A brief explanation – a Victim Advocate is someone who is trained to provide support to sexual assault victims – whether that was assault was actual rape, attempted rape, unwelcome attention or groping, etc.

I’m learning a lot of things I wish I didn’t have to learn.  And it’s bringing old, unpleasant, personal experiences back to the forefront of my mind.  I need to share some of the things I’m reading, as a form of personal therapy.  Warning: explicit sexual content follows.

Italicized text are excerpts from “The Phenomenology of Rape”, a study conducted by Leslie Lebowitz and Jodi Wigren.  Myths and Facts are taken from “Barriers to Credibility: Understanding and Countering Rape Myths” by Lynn Hecht Schafran.

Myth – Rape is a crime committed by men who are strangers to their victims.
Fact – The vast majority of rapes are committed by someone the victim knows (approximately 82-84%, depending on which study you look at).

  Her drill sergeant stood there.  He smashed the door into her face, she said, bloodying her nose.  Behind him stood four other men.  Dressed in fatigues, they pushed their way into the room. 
  The men took turns raping and sodomizing her, Hood said.  They beat her and kicked her, fracturing her ribs, right knee, nose, right cheekbone and spine.  They urinated on her, burned her with cigarettes, split her lip and spit on her, while threatening to kill her. (After reporting her drill sergeant for sexual assault, Herdy and Moffeit, 2004, p. 15)

Myth – Rape is caused by a “generic impulse” stimulated by the appearance, clothing or behavior of the woman.
Fact – Studies repeatedly show that rape is largely a planned and premeditated crime.  The victim is predominantly determined by availability, accessibility, and vulnerability.  Sexual desire, in and of itself, is not he primary or paramount issue operating in the assailant.

  I believed that if you’re careful enough it can’t happen to you…I used to think I could be invulnerable … because I am conservative, I do watch, I do, I am always with somebody, I don’t go into dark parking lots by myself and all that.  I thought that I could assure that it wouldn’t happen to me, and that has been disproven, just blatantly disproven, and at that point I felt like anything in the world can happen to anyone.  I just suddenly felt like everything is exposed.  I’m a target for anything.  “Elana”, (Lebowitz, 1990, p. 96-97)

Myth – A rapist is a subhuman-looking stranger, violent, mentally deranged, impulsive, with no access to consensual sex.
Fact – Rapists look like everyone else, come from all backgrounds, races and strata of society and are rarely violent in the sense of inflicting injuries apart from the rape itself.  The vast majority of rapists have full access to consensual sex and they are not mentally diseased.  Most rapists are NOT strangers.

I was just so unprepared for it … you can be in your own space and have someone come in and for the rest of the year there’s this spot on the floor … I had never thought about it.  I had never had a rape plan for what to do when someone [you trust] comes in and [just knocks you down] … no one had ever talked to me about things like rape, or that friends can rape you — that had never been discussed.  “Lisa” (Lebowitz, 1990, p. 338, 340)

Myth – A “true victim” is one who sustains serious, visible physical injuries such as knife wounds, broken bones, severe lacerations, heavy bruising or vaginal tears. 
Fact – Physical injuries apart from the rape itself are rare and sexual assault leaves no visible physical “evidence” different from consensual sexual activity.  70% of victims reported no physical injuries; 24% reported minor physical injuries; only 4% reported serious physical injuries.  Approximately 1% of rape victims have moderate to severe genital injuries.  Most females past the age of puberty will not have vaginal tears due to the ph makeup and elasticity of the sex organ.  Most tearing occurs in pre-pubescent girls.

In many respects I am a very lucky rape victim, if there can be such a thing. …I am lucky because everyone agrees that I was “really” raped.  When I tell my story, no one doubts my status as a victim.  no one suggests that I was “asking for it”.  No one wonders, at least out loud, if it was really my fault.  No one seems to identify with the rapist. …As one person put it: “You really didn’t do anything wrong.” (Estrich, 1987, p. 3)

Myth – A woman who was truly raped would immediately report to the police.
Fact – Only 16% of rapes were reported to police.  One quarter of that were reported withing 24 hours of the rape.  Among nonstranger victims (victims raped by someone they knew), 90% reported after one week or more.  Why? WHEN THE VICTIM IS NOT BELIEVED, IT IS THE RAPIST WHO IS PERCEIVED AS
THE INJURED PARTY AND VICTIMS ARE PUNISHED FOR THEIR DISCLOSURES.  Women fear retaliation, being disbelieved and blamed, and humiliated.

When she finally reported the assault (2 years later) … the battalion commander said she was making up the complaint to “ruin” the man’s career, she said.  She was immediately given a reprimand for being overweight, then accused of cheating during a physical fitness test. -Orlinda Marquez, sexually assaulted by a soldier under her command (Herdy and Moffeit, 2004, p. 42)

Myth – Most rape charges are false.
Fact – Certainly there are some false allegations.  But on a statistical basis they appear to be infrequent, even less frequent than false allegations in other types of cases.  Only 1.6% of all reported sexual assaults are false allegations.

She had contracted herpes, which she told the doctor was from her rape.  “[T]he doctor wrinkled his nose,” she recalled.  “I was so infected and swollen the speculum stuck and HE USED THE HEEL OF HIS HAND TO FORCE IT IN. (emphasis added) He brought in students, and he made them watch.  He told one of them to shut me up so THEY SHOVED SOMETHING IN MY MOUTH AND HELD ME DOWN ON THE TABLE.” (emphasis added) “Lori”, raped by a fellow sailor (Herdy and Moffeit, 2004, p. 54)

Myth – A woman who was truly being raped would offer utmost physical resistance.
Fact – Many rape victims offer no physical resistance whatsoever.  We’ve all heard of the “flight or fight” response.  What we are often not told about is the third option – freeze.  An animal freezes when all of it’s other options have been exercised.  It can’t fight, and it can’t flee.  It believes it’s about to die and there is no other choice.  Freezing is a last ditch effort to avoid detection.  “If I don’t move, it can’t see me, and I might live.”  A woman who does not physically try to get away, IS NOT CONSENTING.  She believes she is about to die, and her body is reacting accordingly.

[The rape] made me realize that I’m not so, you know, I’m not so strong, I guess, emotionally not so strong and not, you know, I’m not always so in control o myself is what I am trying to say.  I mean, that’s a situation where you don’t have any control at all. …Especially when you’ve pretty much been in control of everything all of your life…it’s a big slap in the face … and so I questioned a lot.  I [questioned] myself a lot.  You know, “are you really the person that you think you are, or like my low self-esteem I suppose…I just saw myself as being somehow dirty and degraded…no worth…If the rapist had no respect for me, has little enough respect for me to treat me like a piece of shit, then who was I to say that I’m not…And also, probably part of it has to do with the way that my friends handled it … to them its no big deal.  When you have friends you’d think they’d care.  And I just didn’t get that feeling.  It was like another slap in the face. “Betty”, (Lebowitz, 1990, p. 135-136)

<end citations>

In the population at large, 1 in every 6 women will be sexually assaulted.  In the military, that number is 1 in 4.  For men, it’s 1 in 17.  Only 18% of all sexual assaults are reported.  Of that 18%, only 17% are ever convicted, and only 9% receive any jail time.

Rape is never the fault of the victim.  They did nothing to deserve it.  It wasn’t their clothes.  It wasn’t their makeup.  It wasn’t their alcohol consumption.  It wasn’t because they attended that frat party.  Yes, bad decisions may have been made, but it wasn’t their fault and their bad decision does not condone the actions of the offender.  STOP BLAMING THE VICTIM!  The only person responsible for a rape is the PERPETRATOR. 

later