December 17, 2009
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Am I hearing things?
I lie in bed at night – but it’s not really night, it’s actually broad daylight, and sunlight is creeping around the edges of the black plastic I have hung over my window. I’m trying to sleep, but my body says I should be up and out, despite that I’ve done this every day for the past four months. The A/C is loud, the generator is louder, but neither drowns out my dayshifter roommate getting ready for work. An hour later, the door slams, and I’m alone, but I’m also still awake. I’ve put on my sleeping mask to block out the sunlight and the bedside lamp my roommate had on. Don’t really need it now, but she’ll be back around noon, and I will then. I keep it on. My brain won’t shut up. Things I should of done and conversations I have yet to have play in my mind. I push them out, think of nothing but the blackness behind my eyes. Is that someone playing bag band? No, that’s just my mind playing tricks on my hearing. Or is it? No, no one lives close enough to me. And it’s too early for that shit. Or maybe it’s not, I swear that’s a trombone I hear. Or maybe a baritone? No, seriously, quit it. You’re supposed to be sleeping. Deep breath in, tension out. Stop thinking. It’s time to sleep. … Why the hell am I still awake?? Ah yes, god hates me. I wonder if I’m the only one who hears music in white noise? If I concentrate hard enough, and can tell the tone I think I’m hearing is coming from the A/C. And that bass is just the generator turning. But where the hell is that trombone coming from??
