April 16, 2007

  • Why do I want to stay?


    I've got less than 90 days in country.  I'm excited about being home again, stateside, getting to do all those civvie things I miss here.  I miss my family and friends.  I miss my kittens.  I miss being able to drive outside of a 10-mile radius.  I miss going to a store and knowing that whatever it is I need, they'll have it.  I want to go home.


    But I don't want to go home.  I don't want to abandon my friends here.  And that's exactly how I see it.  I'll be going home and all my friends, my brothers in arms, will be here, without me.  I can't help but feel that I'll be abandoning them.  And I feel guilty about it.


    I've been toying with the idea of extending.  But I don't know if I can do another 6 months here.  Three months, sure, too easy.  Six months?  ...That's a whole 'nother ballgame...  So I guess it comes down to this: does the guilt of leaving outweigh the joy of going home?  At this point, I just don't know.  I'm going to give it a bit more time.  If I get picked up for active duty, it'll be a moot point anyway because I'll have to redeploy with my unit, get out of the Nat'l Guard, and PCS to my new duty station.  I'll wait to hear from the acessions board, hope and pray that I get the results before I leave, and that I get picked up.  If I hear back and it's negative, well, I guess then I'll have to make a decision.  I just wish it were an easier one.


    later