April 15, 2009
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How to survive an extended deployment
Stole this from a friend. *AND IT’S TRUE!*
1. Accept the fact that you will lose your sanity. This is a good
starting point. As long as you accept the fact from the beginning you
will not be the same or sane at the end you will be able to enjoy
yourself more. I just thought about random acts of violence, but I’m
not afraid because I knew that from the beginning I was going to be
insane.2. Embrace the insanity. Just accept the insanity and go with it. You
have to put a leash on it though. Afternoon techno dance parties in the
PX are good. Burning tents down is probably bad. If you start
performing the latter of the two you need to seek mental health
attention. Thinking and even saying you are going to kill people is
O.K. It’s action that will get you put in the metal bracelets.3. Make insane plans. Learn to play the dijiridoo, plan an Everest
expedition, search for the lost city of Atlantis, know everything about
Sasquatch or instrumental trans-communication. This will keep your just
occupied enough to not completely process the insanity and chaos that
is occurring around you.4. Accept that at about month 8 or 9 you are not going to give a shit
about anything but drinking, getting laid, climbing Mount Everest. If
you are male chances are at about the 3/4 point of your extended
deployment part of your brain will be partitioned to think about
nothing but sex. This will happen naturally with a buildup of
testosterone. Most men on deployments compensate by working on nothing
but their biceps at the gym. The testosterone will be stored in the
biceps until your return home where it will be released through sex and
drinking of alcohol. Your job won’t matter you will want to go to the gym all the time to work on your biceps. This is why.5. No one will give a shit about giving you time off. This is especially
true of the old guys who have never been deployed or never done an
extended deployment. Take the time off. A little bit everyday and at
least one full day every week. Just don’t show up. What are they going
to do? Put you on an extended deployment. I haven’t done anything wrong
and I’ve already done two, so really there is no incentive for me to
show up everyday non stop for 15 months. Number 6 will help with this.6. Let people know, loudly and publicly, you are insane. People like to
avoid confrontation. People especially like to avoid confrontation with
people who have professed publicly that 1) They are crazy, and/or 2)
They will kill everyone.7. Try to meet every celebrity that may come to your camp or FOB and
get your picture taken with them. While this is a lofty goal I think it
may be able to be accomplished, but you must have patience and no
shame. Numbers 1, 2 and 6 will help you get to the front of many of
those photo lines. The big biceps will help also.8. This one applies to non-combat operations only: Don’t work too hard
or too fast. No matter how hard you work there will always be more work
to do. They will make up work to keep you busy. By they, I mean them,
and you know who them are. The good-idea-fairies usually in the rank of
Major or above and have been processed with the full field-grade
lobotomy. Don’t worry there are so many layers of buracracy that
someone will get done what you had to do.You will have to deal the stupid, illiterate, and ignorant. You will
have to deal with clueless military and civilian folk. You will become
angry and enraged. Just remember this will all end in due time. Just
focus that anger in the gym on those biceps.later
